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I can even make you squirt if the connection is right haha. So yeah, excuse me if I come across as a little uncalibrated but I think you’re attractive, so what do you think?

If you haven't yet heard about the creepy, pickup-artist-inspired Tinder message that's been making its way around the Internet over the past week, here's a quick recap: Recently, the Instagram account feminist_tinder revealed that a Tinder message that more than a few women had apparently received was actually a line from a video by pickup artist Maximilian Berger, who calls the message the Tinder version of the "Apocalypse Opener." It's a pretty transparent tactic—asking a woman to sleep with you outright instead of, say, feigning interest in having a relationship—and the message has been apparently spreading through pickup artist sites ever since.

Just a metric buttload of goats all over the place. But I would have done my best to outfit the pegasus according to your imagined tastes. Say what you will about his political beliefs, the man understood majesty.

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They might promise to make finding love–or at least a hook up–really easy, but there are now apps that make it even easier.

And yes, pickup artists are a real thing — with a large following.

Berger's video introducing the message, for example, titled "How to F—k girls on Tinder", has earned nearly 300,000 views. When I read about the Tinder message on various websites, it looked familiar— it's tough to forget something that crude.

We go on a date, but the whole date we can only talk in dialogue (or narration, if for some reason you are moved to discuss the breakdown of the Imperium vs. So if you want more wine for instance, you would kind of look at the wine bottle and say “the spice must flow! Fuck cilantro.27) I want to wake up next to you on a lazy Sunday morning, with white curtains blowing in the breeze, and you lean over me and look in my eyes and OH SHIT IT’S MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER’S FACE AND HER EYES ARE MADE OF WORMS and it turns out I’m still asleep. Looming jagged mountains with shapes no earthly power could have created, at once beautiful and foreboding, kind of like one of those old Yes album covers from before they sucked.

” And if someone is sitting too close to our table you would say “the Bene Gesserit witch must leave! And then I wake up for real and you’re like “what were you yelling about” and I’m like “nothing, let’s fuck.” How about it.30) The Legend of Zelda™ fucking sucked, FYI. Atop the highest peak, shrouded in fangs of cloud, is a tower, a castle, stone heaped upon stone by untold eons of forgotten hands. It has a name like a newfangled pharmaceutical for some feminine problem would have. Inside the society of wizards awaits, chanting your true name, which resembles a disease wiped out in the 1920’s, except for a few pockets in like, Gabon.




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Also, this story involves complete strangers, and therefore, is unlikely to come back to haunt me.


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They are built to anticipate and encourage that style of play.